Saturday, June 20, 2009

My Favorite Child.

Child #1? No, she's a fucking whiner today. She is currently whining at me because I won't get up and make her and her reject friends some cheese sticks.

Child #2? No, she's currently up my ass to support her in a money making endeavor. ie. garage sale, lemonade stand, a nose ring which I believe is the first step towards prostitution .. well I guess that'll make her some money. Can I be her pimp and her daddy?

Child #3? No, she is making me watch this stupid ass George Lopez "Mr. Troop Mom" movie for the 10th time since it's premier last night.

Child #4? No, she is playing the 'repeat' game. You know, the one where she repeats every single thing I say. This game is only fun if you are the one trying to be annoying.

Child #5? No. He has decided that the $400.00 race car little tikes bed that I bought him 2 years ago is no longer "cool". He would like me to dismantle it and he'd like to sleep with his mattress and box spring right on the floor. I swear to you all .. If I knew I was going to get kids who would be happy in a trailer park, I wouldn't have gone to college for so long.

Children #'s 6 & 7. Yes! My angel twins. Like every other night. Sound asleep at 7pm. Not a peep will be heard until 7am.

As I write this child #2 has decided that she not only wants me to help her make money- she now wants an everything bagel, lightly toasted with cream cheese. She is now my LEAST favorite.

Happy Father's Day!

Big Daddy


  1. Yeah kids can be pretty fucking stupid sometimes. But I want loads of 'em. Mostly because I want a personal army. I might even travel the world and impregnate women everywhere! What an adventure that would be.

  2. I don't want to alarm you, but you seem to have seven kids. You're almost OctoDad.

  3. hardly- Yea it's all the stupidity that gives me fodder for life! God bless em. lmao on your impregnation scheme, if only there was a way to do that without contracting deadly STD's.

    marinkadink- What was I thinking??? Honestly, after 3 .. it's not that much more work. Just a bigger vehicle. ( You should talk to the woman in my life and see what her take on the whole it's not that much more work thing. Maybe she'd think differently seeing as I'm a lazy ass. )

  4. Too funny. I sympathize with you, though. I don't like any of my kids today either.

    But I have only 3, so you still win.

    Happy Father's Day.

  5. Happy belated Father's Day, Sara. Thank the lord I didn't have 7 kids yammering at me yesterday. My head just couldn't have taken it.

  6. I saw a girl yesterday with a nosering. She was at Target.

    She had...a really fucking big nose. I mean, we're talking halfway to proboscidea here. And she decided to augment that thing with a nose ring, so that it looked twice as big as normal.

    I'm not sure if she was attractive or anything. All I saw was a nose. And because the pollen count here has been so high recently, I fled for my life, fearing that she would become irritated and sneeze.

  7. mjenks- I think I know that girl.

    Maybe I should get one for my junk if it makes objects appear larger than they are.

  8. LOL, get one for your junk, loverface!


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